Our bond was growing, and Sir kept giving me tasks. He had something in mind with what I was uncomfortable with first, simply because I didn’t feel that it would fit my personality. He asked me to go to a specific place called the Torture Garden. It’s not a garden. No torture either. Why is it called that? I have no clue. It’s a big room with a large stage and chairs placed around it. Although the rules are not written in stone, usually submissives, including slaves, are dancing on the stage while dominants are watching them and often immerse themselves in private chat. He didn’t want me to go there to dance as a submissive. He wanted me to sit among the dominants and gain experience.

“But why, Sir? I don’t have a dominant bone in me.”

“First, because I tell you to. Second, because I disagree, you do have a dominant side, and it’s valuable to explore it.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Just observe them…and yourself.”

So I went…It was very awkward. People assumed I was a mistress or at least a switch (a person who can be both submissive and dominant, depending on the partner, situation, etc.).  When I said hello to everyone and sat down, the submissives on the stage said hello too, but they added “Miss” to my name. I so wanted to tell them politely that I am not a miss, but what should I have said? That I was asked to come and sit and explore myself? I didn’t say anything. Private message tabs started flashing on my screen almost immediately. Some were dominant men who complimented on my avatar’s appearance and asked who owned me. They read my profile. They knew I was not a miss. None of them mentioned that maybe I should rather be on the stage then. Others were slaves. They obviously did not read my profile. Oh my, they were hungry. They didn’t only ask if they may dance for me but also if I was looking for a slave because they would be happy to become mine. I didn’t understand that. Why would you want to be owned by me when you don’t even know me? Deep inside, I knew the answer that was confirmed by Sir and other dominants with whom I had conversations. These kind and humble slaves were just playing. Most of them wanted the avatar game. The avatar whipping, avatar humiliation, and degrading words. For different reasons, of course. One of them was the same as my reason to enter this world. They were exploring their own feelings. A few days later, I had a great conversation with a dominant man, who later had become one of my best friends. He explained that many of the slaves had been deceived. They thought being a slave meant, well, what I wrote above about avatar game. There was no mental connection between them and their owners; that’s why they were jumping from one to another. What they thought was BDSM was extremely far away from BDSM. It was the same with a lot of masters and sirs too, by the way.

Based on Sir’s instructions, all I said to the girls who messaged me was that currently, I was not looking for anybody. I did let them to dance for me, though. Not because I enjoyed it but because I didn’t want to reject them. And then, to my biggest surprise, something had changed. I’m talking about myself. It was clear that I attracted other submissives. Sir was right. I didn’t (and still don’t) know why and how. One person literally dropped to his knees in front of me, saying he just felt he wanted to. Even if he was joking, it shocked me. I had many chats in the Garden, and all of them were indeed valuable. Suddenly, I felt a certain power I never felt before. It wasn’t the arrogant or controlling power. I didn’t feel superior. I simply gained a truckload of confidence. I knew that’s what Sir wanted to show me, and I desperately wanted to share my experiences with him. I couldn’t. He disappeared.

I waited for him every single night up until 3 am my time. He always came in late at night but never after 3. I was worried, hurt, disappointed, and sad. One thing I learned about D/s is that the dominant is responsible for the submissive. He/she should care, protect, instruct. I felt betrayed.  I asked my new friends a lot of why, how, when questions. One of them said he does it on purpose. It’s a typical mind game. My best friend wanted to beat him up. He was outraged by the fact that Sir didn’t even send me a message on my profile. Finally, he returned after a week.  In Utherverse, if you are someone’s friend list, you have the option to jump to their avatar. He jumped me. The problem was that I was with another man…

To be continued