My Virtual Crossroads

Okay, back to the conversation. The person behind the handsome avatar who was wearing a leather outfit was a counselor in real life and a dominant in Utherverse. He was smart, intelligent, and charming. Most importantly, after about 10 minutes of talking, he saw the submissive in me. There it was. See, I didn’t have to go to a BDSM club and yell “hey I want to talk about this!”. I was standing there; he was standing there. That’s it. I believe in the power of personal energy. I talked with a lot of members about this, who agreed. Even if you hide who you are in reality, your energy comes through. To a degree, you do identify yourself with your virtual form. He felt the submissive energy that I was emitting simply because that’s what I was focusing on. I knew he was digging in my mind, but since that’s something I do with others, I didn’t mind…I actually enjoyed it. He had a certain charisma that attracted me, like flypaper the flies. When all of a sudden, he told me to go to my place and let him know when I’m ready for him. I obeyed! I obeyed a stranger in a virtual world with my virtual avatar. Funny, isn’t it? Or pathetic?
In a few minutes, we were standing in the virtual sand on a virtual beach, and he simply asked if I was ready. I had absolutely no clue, but I said yes. He asked me to greet him properly. I knew what he wanted. I did see BDSM customs in Utherverse before. I knew he expected me to kneel. I hit the little button, and my avatar dropped to her knees. My jaw dropped, and I blinked as I was staring at my monitor. My heart then felt a sense of calm that I couldn’t explain, only later when I thought about it. I submitted to this person. Not with my avatar but with my heart. And it felt good. There was trust in it even if it sounds silly to trust someone I don’t know, will never see, etc etc. That was not the point. The point was how submissive behavior affected me.
The journey of learning about myself had started that night. I submitted in everything. To my biggest surprise, the relationship between us was not based on cyber-sex. It happened, but rarely. At first, it was strange because that’s exactly what I had seen in the BDSM community. Avatars on a cross being virtually whipped or hanging on a rope hogtied, but some smart people even figured out how to build stockades where you could position yourself…and look trapped. Little did I know, that had almost nothing to do with real BDSM. Those people toyed with each other…that’s it.
Sir and I were mostly talking. There were rules: He sat; I knelt. He asked; I answered. Pleasing him was a real challenge. He didn’t care about my virtual or real body, although I admit, he requested pictures, such as one that showed his name written on my inner thigh with lipstick. Okay, that sounds totally ridiculous, but it actually made sense. He wanted to make me feel that I was his. He was interested in my intellect. He wanted conversation. He didn’t tell me what to do…he wanted me to find opportunities to please him with gestures, words, and actions. His desires had become mine. I didn’t do anything because he demanded it. I did everything because making him happy was the most important thing to me.
I’m still not sure how he did it, but I learned something about myself whenever we spent some time together. I learned that I have been submissive in several areas of my life. I’m a pleaser, especially when it comes to strangers. That’s why regardless of my higher education, my favorite jobs have always been related to customer service. I LOVE the “grumpy customer/client”. Why? Because if I can put a smile on their face and they leave happy, that makes me even happier. My submissive mind formed my diplomatic personality and the obsessive desire to have a structure in my life. Of course, not everyone is submissive who have these traits, but with everything else I experienced, I knew that that was my case.
On the other hand, obedience gave me confidence, and that was baffling. He never forgot to reward me with positive feedback, and while I gave him my power and trust, I gained self-respect. That came with a wonderful sense of freedom and tranquility. My soul calmed down, and my stress level decreased in general. I couldn’t believe how fast I changed. Well no. I didn’t change. I just began to look at myself from a different angle. And I liked what I saw.