My Virtual Crossroads

When I was a lot younger, and a man hurt me, I moved on extremely quickly and burned all bridges.
This attitude showed up this time, too; however, that’s not why I ended up at another man’s virtual apartment. I was confused and lonely. I did not want an affair or a virtual one-night stand. I just needed company. We were talking and dancing when Sir appeared right behind me. My heart almost jumped out of my chest from relief, happiness, and, oh yes, fear. I wasn’t afraid of punishment or discipline. I was afraid of my own guilt and the possibility of being thrown away. I let go of my dance partner and followed Sir to my place. I knelt, and I started apologizing, not even sure for what. He interrupted and told me to stand up. Then he hugged me. I just said, “Please don’t throw me away.”
“No, no little one, why would I throw you away? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I wasn’t disloyal…we were just talking.”
“If I had found you there fucking him, that still wouldn’t have been disloyalty in My eyes. I probably would have watched it with pride…because you’re Mine. If you serve another man well, that makes Me proud. You showed Me loyalty when you immediately turned to Me, greeted Me, and came here.”
What he said made me think afterward. It was strange that him saying that he would be proud of me if I served another man well did not hurt my feelings. Of course not. If it made him proud, it made me proud. That’s how I felt, no matter how surprising it was. I calmed down, and my focus switched to the other issue. Why the hell did he disappear? Sir always told me that I should speak to him freely, so I spoke. I forgot about my position. I demanded answers. He didn’t like it and reminded me that I should not demand anything ever, but he remained patient. He gave me an explanation of his absence, but he never reacted when I told him that I don’t really understand the complete lack of communication. He ignored that part. As my friend said later, that’s when I should have run for the hills. I couldn’t. I was way too attached to him. And he knew it. I am 100% sure that, on the other hand, he realized that I might not be as blind as he thought because that night, he said he loved me. I was on cloud #9 then. Now I see it differently.
I had high hopes again. We met almost every night, and I got a lot of chances to serve him emotionally and mentally…and physically, through the videos he asked for. At that point, there was almost nothing I wouldn’t have done for him. And yet, I have never felt freer in my life. Sadly, it didn’t last. Although our communication got better, he started having less and less time. I admit I was suffering. I had become a puppy, whining for his master. Once, he said maybe letting me go would be the best because one thing he didn’t want is me being sad and lonely. He even gave me permission to serve another dominant. Then he disappeared again, and that was the last straw that broke the horse’s back. I realized that it would not get any better. I had needs too. A good dominant would care about them. Yes, partially, it was my pride, but mostly it was common sense. Why the hell should I get stuck in a freaking virtual D/s relationship when it doesn’t even make me happy?? I wrote him a long, nice, and smart message. No hard feelings.
He lured me back in less than a week, but it was not the same. Eventually, instead of burning the bridge, we just grew apart. I ran into him a few months ago at a public place in Utherverse. He messaged me.
“I made a huge mistake with you. I should have done better. You know I still watch your videos. I see how you evolved, how you left your fears behind. I realized that you are neither a slave nor a “bottom.” You should be a queen…you had become one. And sometimes, I even imagine that you are holding My leash, not the other way around. Nobody has ever served Me the way you have.”
I will never know if any of his words were serious or just another luring attempt because I didn’t bite. But one thing he said in the very beginning is turned out to be true. The bond between a dominant and a submissive never completely disappears. There was a bond, yes. Mental and emotional both. I will always miss him in a way. He did teach me about myself. I will always be grateful for that.