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Sitting at the Cool Kids’ Table

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Where I grew up, high-school fame doesn’t really exist. Yes, there are cliques based on interest and some popularity, but it can’t be compared to what you see in other countries, especially in the U.S. No jocks…no princesses. I only see those in movies…and in Utherverse. Observing the community has always been fascinating to me. Experiencing how it feels to sit at the cool kids’ table is a completely different story, though.

S. has been popular and loved, well, since he joined Utherverse. He is all over the place sharing jokes and, more importantly, trying to help others. I saw it with my own eyes as he broke through people’s walls of shyness and brought them out of the shadow of loneliness as they finally found their voice. If there was a cool kids’ table…literally…he would definitely sit on one of the chairs. Being with him pulled me there too. All of a sudden, people noticed me. People I didn’t know otherwise. Did it make me feel good? Sure, it did. I felt more alive than ever. I trusted his judgement regarding groups. At first, I thought that my popularity was an extension of his. They liked me because I was with him. Later I realized that I was showing more of my personality around him. That made a difference. Our cool kids are not cool because they are loud or arrogant like high school kids in reality or as a matter of fact, some groups in Utherverse that bully others. Oh, there are several of them, and as I mentioned before, bullying is possible even in a virtual world. In our chosen community, the people are adults who are kind, funny, and have generous hearts. Most of them. The ones who are not drop out sooner or later when they realize that they won’t get support.

I am a very observant person, and I analyze everything. Sometimes it’s useful; sometimes it’s like a curse because it stresses me out. S. always says, “everything will be ok”. I used to get furious whenever I heard that, until I noticed that it actually calms me down. In this case, observing, and analyzing gave me valuable insight. I was watching unfolding dramas, the effects of support and protection, and how real relationships form. That is when I finally understood something I couldn’t wrap my mind around for years. An important structure in this society: the families.

And all was well…

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The relationship with my master had fallen apart during the next couple of days. Why do people change after sealing a commitment? Isn’t that interesting? It happens all the time in Utherverse. As a photographer and graphic designer, who attends weddings, I keep seeing it. Everybody is happy as can be during the wedding…by the time I make their wedding certificate, they have broken up. I guess people get cold feet (or rather frozen) in a virtual world too, but why AFTER weddings and other ceremonies? Long story short, my master tried to humiliate me by taking other women and making my pretty little avatar watch their pretty little avatars. Now before we start smiling, let me tell you something. To people who have a mind and soul, behaviors like this can cause real harm. It is not hard to abuse, humiliate, hurt someone emotionally and mentally through a virtual world, and it can be quite serious. You know, your conscious mind may know that hey, this person is far away and what I experience is not real (of course it is, but let’s deny it), but your subconscious mind and your heart don’t. In my case, however, his behavior was a blessing…I could break up with him. I admit, giving me a reason made it easier than facing him and telling him that I can’t be his anymore. He was confused and kind of childish with his reactions, but he was smart enough to know that stirring up the water even more would not lead anywhere.


My feelings were strange. All of a sudden, I felt insecure and very hurt. My good old friend explained to me that this is very common when a D/s relationship ends regardless of who initiates the break-up and why. S. listened and comforted me, although our relationship didn’t change. It was still rather the friend with benefits situation. Well, that’s how we acted with each other. There was no pressure, and I think that actually deepened our feelings. I mean the no pressure part. We were just going with the flow but kept ourselves hidden. We didn’t need rumors and the drama that is growing in Utherverse like weeds. Ex-girlfriend, ex-master, fake friends, and drama queens…no, thank you. Of course, people have good eyes and suspicions. Not sure who told her and what, but half of the ex-girlfriend’s friends removed the two of us from their friends’ list. She personally hit the magic ignore button, which means that she can’t see us, and we can’t see her. None of them were actually friends. Half the time, being friends in Utherverse means that you dance at the same club, you say “Hugs everyone,” then accept the pop-up friend requests mostly because they are annoying in the middle of your screen. S. got questions, too; however, nobody liked or believed the honest answer about his reasons to break up. It didn’t matter. We kept spending hours in our own little world every night. We chatted on Skype too, and slowly we discovered a lot of similarities in each other’s souls. Some were so similar or so matching; it was crazy. Crazy good.


One night, we were sitting on the ground in a forest, sharing Youtube links of our favorite classical music pieces, when S. told me that he made a decision. Whether his wife returns or not, he needs to move on. With me, if I accept him. He was so romantic. I melted into a puddle on the top of my bed. Every thin wall and obstacle fell down. It was all clear: we belonged to each other, and it was undeniable. He wrote a message to his wife, who, after 5 months of silence, immediately logged in. She understood and accepted. She even told him that we shouldn’t give a crap about others. Of course, she was sad, but their relationship was going nowhere, and that had nothing to do with me. The next day we “went public.” IN Utherverse, it means that you kiss and slow dance. My god, it sounds so stupid, but in a virtual world, you express yourself with whatever tools you have. Then I began to get messages from my own friends, mostly something like, “I knew it! You guys are glowing even if you’re standing at the opposite sides of the place.” And all was well.

They knelt…for me.

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Our bond was growing, and Sir kept giving me tasks. He had something in mind with what I was uncomfortable with first, simply because I didn’t feel that it would fit my personality. He asked me to go to a specific place called the Torture Garden. It’s not a garden. No torture either. Why is it called that? I have no clue. It’s a big room with a large stage and chairs placed around it. Although the rules are not written in stone, usually submissives, including slaves, are dancing on the stage while dominants are watching them and often immerse themselves in private chat. He didn’t want me to go there to dance as a submissive. He wanted me to sit among the dominants and gain experience.

“But why, Sir? I don’t have a dominant bone in me.”

“First, because I tell you to. Second, because I disagree, you do have a dominant side, and it’s valuable to explore it.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Just observe them…and yourself.”

So I went…It was very awkward. People assumed I was a mistress or at least a switch (a person who can be both submissive and dominant, depending on the partner, situation, etc.).  When I said hello to everyone and sat down, the submissives on the stage said hello too, but they added “Miss” to my name. I so wanted to tell them politely that I am not a miss, but what should I have said? That I was asked to come and sit and explore myself? I didn’t say anything. Private message tabs started flashing on my screen almost immediately. Some were dominant men who complimented on my avatar’s appearance and asked who owned me. They read my profile. They knew I was not a miss. None of them mentioned that maybe I should rather be on the stage then. Others were slaves. They obviously did not read my profile. Oh my, they were hungry. They didn’t only ask if they may dance for me but also if I was looking for a slave because they would be happy to become mine. I didn’t understand that. Why would you want to be owned by me when you don’t even know me? Deep inside, I knew the answer that was confirmed by Sir and other dominants with whom I had conversations. These kind and humble slaves were just playing. Most of them wanted the avatar game. The avatar whipping, avatar humiliation, and degrading words. For different reasons, of course. One of them was the same as my reason to enter this world. They were exploring their own feelings. A few days later, I had a great conversation with a dominant man, who later had become one of my best friends. He explained that many of the slaves had been deceived. They thought being a slave meant, well, what I wrote above about avatar game. There was no mental connection between them and their owners; that’s why they were jumping from one to another. What they thought was BDSM was extremely far away from BDSM. It was the same with a lot of masters and sirs too, by the way.

Based on Sir’s instructions, all I said to the girls who messaged me was that currently, I was not looking for anybody. I did let them to dance for me, though. Not because I enjoyed it but because I didn’t want to reject them. And then, to my biggest surprise, something had changed. I’m talking about myself. It was clear that I attracted other submissives. Sir was right. I didn’t (and still don’t) know why and how. One person literally dropped to his knees in front of me, saying he just felt he wanted to. Even if he was joking, it shocked me. I had many chats in the Garden, and all of them were indeed valuable. Suddenly, I felt a certain power I never felt before. It wasn’t the arrogant or controlling power. I didn’t feel superior. I simply gained a truckload of confidence. I knew that’s what Sir wanted to show me, and I desperately wanted to share my experiences with him. I couldn’t. He disappeared.

I waited for him every single night up until 3 am my time. He always came in late at night but never after 3. I was worried, hurt, disappointed, and sad. One thing I learned about D/s is that the dominant is responsible for the submissive. He/she should care, protect, instruct. I felt betrayed.  I asked my new friends a lot of why, how, when questions. One of them said he does it on purpose. It’s a typical mind game. My best friend wanted to beat him up. He was outraged by the fact that Sir didn’t even send me a message on my profile. Finally, he returned after a week.  In Utherverse, if you are someone’s friend list, you have the option to jump to their avatar. He jumped me. The problem was that I was with another man…

To be continued

Behind the Avatar

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When I first logged in after downloading the client, I felt weird. There I was in the form of a 3D cartoon person, running around by hitting the arrow keys on my keyboard. I could change my hair, my clothes, my race, everything that contributed to my virtual appearance. It was the Spring of 2008, so the concept of virtual worlds was not new at all. Well, to me, it was…and I loved it. It gave me a certain sense of being able to stay private. I wasn’t hiding my personality, but I know that I didn’t have to share it either if I didn’t want to.

I went to a place called the Welcome Center. It was crowded and full of volunteers whose task was to teach newbies. I saw avatars dancing around, hugging, kissing, and juggling with colorful balls. People were chatting and laughing by typing LOL. I had to look that up. Although I got some surprising offers (“wanna fuck?”), the atmosphere was delightful. I joined the conversation in local chat, and soon I figured out the rules and options. Yeah, the main feature, which was virtual sex, costs money. Getting to specific places or rooms and private messaging were also only available for VIP members. What can I say? I’m glad I’m not a cat because my curiosity would have killed me. I upgraded the next day. When a male approached me in a private message and tried to seduce me, I gave in. I giggled the whole time while our clumsy avatars were enjoying themselves.

During this time, I had been living with my husband in a long-distance relationship. I told him about Utherverse. I must have been convincing because he joined immediately. I’m telling you, it had changed our relationship. No, I’m not talking about virtual sex…okay, not only. Even just sitting next to each other in a virtual park where pink and yellow butterflies were fluttering around made us flutter too. More importantly, we joined a community that we didn’t have in reality. I lived on the other side of the big pond.  We didn’t have mutual friends. Virtuality had become a reality. We formed friendships with people who had similar things in common. Soon we also developed a sense of seeing red flags. The fake profiles. Spammers and players who got a thrill out of lying and hurting others who called them friends. They didn’t care about the fact that there was a real person attached to each avatar. Hearts broke, and profiles got banned all the time.

A few months later, we both joined the group of volunteers who helped new members. In November, we got married on a pretty little beach in the presence of our friends. I freaking loved Utherverse!

Months had passed, and the world changed. The community fell apart once Utherverse introduced the Zabys (apartments) and other properties we could buy and decorate. Private clubs were born, and the people left our beloved public places for them. Cliques and families formed rapidly. It got even “worse” when we got permission to be creators…creators of outfits, tattoos, hairs, and whatnot. Everything expanded, we were like kids in a candy store. That’s when members had started earning money, and again, that affected the societies inside of Utherverse.

After I moved to the other side of the Earth to finally live with my husband, he quit. He lost interest because to him, Utherverse was only a tool that allowed him to be with me. I stayed. My creative mind was terribly hungry. I tried many options from designing clothes to decorating my apartment. I was also volunteering that filled another kind of hunger: teaching and helping others. But…my enthusiasm faded eventually. Without a community, I wasn’t able to feel the vibe I fell in love with. So after 4 years, the frequency of my visits drastically decreased. I let my VIP membership run out, and I only logged in a couple of times a year. In 2020, something brought me back. Something called COVID-19.

The world of Utherverse

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In a nutshell, Utherverse is a virtual world that lets its members engage in several activities while building relationships. It even allows you to earn money through selling your rays, the virtual currency. Nothing special, right? These days, you can pick from different virtual worlds from Second Life to IMVU. However, there has always been a conspicuous difference…the marketing. Yes, I’m aware that other similar websites focus on that aspect, but Utherverse A.K.A Red Light Center (RLC) has been marketed as a sex site since it was launched on the last day of 2005. Red Light Center was originally based on the real „red light” area of Amsterdam.
Its purpose was to attract people who wanted to explore and expand their sexual fantasies for a certain amount of monthly fee. There is nothing wrong with that, except that it had grown and turned into something more over the years. What else, besides getting virtually laid?
First of all, you can have a flourishing business. You can become a popular DJ using your own streaming tools, a successful clothing designer, graphics designer, photographer, and builder/decorator. As I mentioned, the virtual currency can be sold and converted into dollars. I know for a fact that some members actually earn a living (yes, they have to pay taxes)! More importantly, there are communities, such as families, groups based on sexual orientation (LGBT, BDSM) and roleplay (vampires, werewolves, fairies, and more), and of course, people who are buddies and love partying together. It’s not surprising or unusual to form romantic relationships either. You can get married in Utherverse. You can also get a divorce but let’s not talk about negative things here. Many of these marriages result in real relationships and marriages.
So why is Utherverse still marketed as a sex site? Good question. It was raised a lot of times by its members. There is no answer. The porn site advertisements are still blinking at you on your social center profile page. The purpose of this blog is to share real stories from a virtual world that is more real than many of us would think. It’s my story.